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Top 10 Lists
"Why are boys so obsessed with numbers?"
"No one knows why, really."Gregorys Girl
A little secret... When it looks like men are thinking hard at work, they're probably making little lists in their head that have nothing to do with the job. We like numbers. A man can forget his wife's maiden name, but he'll always be able to remember what he hit his last season in Little League (.489, thank you very much :-) Here goes..!
Top 10 Albums
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David Werner
Imagination Quota
Passed off by the press as a Bowie clone, Pittsburgh's David Werner made the finest record ever in 1973, IMHO. Dreamy songs and production, brilliant guitar playing from Mark Doyle.
Never making it to CD, I ripped the vinyl to my Mac. Have a listen and see for yourself...
 Imagination Quota
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Grand Funk
Grand Funk
This was the first record that I just lost it over. Farner's voice is amazingly pure sounding, Mel Schacher's bass is recorded to rattle your room, and it's so primal and heavy it would kick-start garage bands all across the US. |
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The Byrds
Greatest Hits
Los Angeles's Beatles, not only a great band, but stylish as all heck. Roger and Gene are underrated genius's. |
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Montrose
Montrose
Any kid that picks this record can be a guitar hero within a month afterwords. Ronnie's solo's are all obvious, easy things, but so solid and with so much finesse that's it's inspiring. Punkers leaned towards Kiss records, but that was too easy. This album made guitar gods. |
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New Radicals
New Radicals
The only record in the 90's that totally freaked me out. Totally lost on a nation of kids listening to fucking hip hop. Gregg Alexander gave up after this and went back to producing, which is a complete drag. |
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UFO
Phenomenon
The greatest guitar record of all time, period. Michael Schenker speaks through the thing, in a way even Beck & Page can't. |
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Black Sabbath
Vol 4
The tightest, darkest record ever. Lyrics like, "Try your hardest, you'll still be a loser - The world will still be turning when you're gone" attest to Ozzy's brilliance. Tony Iommi's peak moment. |
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Mott the Hoople
Mott
I'm amazed how few people still care about Mott. T-Rex and The Sweet get more type, this was Rolling Stones magazines Album of the Year in 1973, and every local band knew 'Drivin' Sister' (and increased sales for D'Armand volume pedals). Better than any Bowie record, ever. |
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Buffalo Springfield
Retrospective
The most underrated band ever. Steve Stills, Neil Young, Jim Messina... Every song on this is a classic, with Jack Nitzsche's production on 'Expecting to Fly' is as good as anything his mentor Phil Spector ever did. |
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Blue Oyster Cult
Secret Treaties
BOC always had a tongue in cheekness about them, but they weren't fucking around here. This is the darkest, most complex thing they ever recorded. Buck Dharma's the king of the sinister riff and Eric Bloom's singing is just awesome. |
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Top 10 Songs
This is the toughest category ever...
1. English Beat - Save It For Later
2. Beach Boys - Good Vibrations
3. Stevie Wonder - If You Really Love Me
4. Pine - Inhaling
5. Moonbabies - Have You Ever Said Goodbye?
6. Jonathan King - Everyone's Gone To The Moon
7. Missing Persons - Destination Unknown
8. Chad and Jeremy - Distant Shores
9. Tony Bennett - I Left My Heart In San Francisco
10. Super Furry Animals - Venus and Serena |
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Top 10 Beatle Songs
Had to make a seperate category since all top 10 songs could be Beatle songs :-)
1. Rain
2. I'm Happy Just To Dance With You
3. Tell Me Why
4. Strawberry Fields Forever
5. You're Gonna Lose That Girl
6. Devil In Her Heart
7. Martha My Dear
8. Hello Goodbye
9. Matchbox
10. Here, There and Everywhere
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Hon. Mentions:
The Band - Chest Fever,
Blue Cheer - Feathers From Your Tree,
Buffalo Springfield - Bluebird,
Kinks - All Of The Day,
Bats - Afternoon In Bed,
Robbie Williams - Win Some, Lose Some,
Jukka Tolonen - Elements,
Led Zeppelin - Ramble On,
Rickie Valens - Ooh! My Head,
Sandie Shaw - Girl Don't Come,
Scritti Politti - Wood Beez,
Incubus - Wish You Were Here,
Van Halen - On Fire,
We Five - You Were On My Mind,
Tom Jones - It's Not Unusual,
Suzy Bogguss - Outbound Plane,
Bobby Fuller Four - Let Her Dance,
Rex - Ride Home,
Jane Wiedlin - Blue Kiss,
Mama's and the Papa's - I Saw Her Again,
Moody Blues - Lovely To See You,
Mekons - Memphis Egypt,
Aqua - We Belong to the Sea,
The Fixx - Secret Separation,
Greta - Some People,
Caravan - Memory Lain, Hugh,
Sly Stone - Hot Fun in the Summertime,
They Might Be Giants - Put Your Hand Inside the Puppethead,
Stalk-Forrest Group (Blue Oyster Cult) - Ragamuffin Dumplin'
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Top 10 Bands
1. Beatles
2. Rolling Stones
3. Led Zeppelin
4. Beach Boys
5. Black Sabbath
6. The Kinks
7. Buffalo Springfield
8. Byrds
9. The Who
10. Van Halen (Roth, like duh!)
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Top 10 Guitarists
1. Michael Schenker
2. Jeff Beck
3. Eric Johnson
4. Duane Allman
5. Jan Akkerman
6. Eddie Van Halen
7. Danny Gatton
8. Ulrich Roth
9. Mark Knopfler
10. Malcolm Young
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Top 10 Front Men
1. Mick Jagger
2. John Denny
3. David Lee Roth
4. Sebastian Bach
5. Jizzy Pearl
6. Joey Ramone
7. Nick Gilder
8. Layne Staley
9. Robbie Williams
10. Scott Hoogland
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Hon. Mentions:
Grand Funk Railroad, The Monkees, Badfinger, Alice In Chains, The Weirdos, Focus, The Catherine Wheel, Fairchild, The Flipper's Guitar, Pine
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Top 10 Guitar Solo's
1. Mark Knopfler - Skateaway
2. Gary Moore - Still Got The Blues
3. Vito Bratta - Little Fighter
4. Denny Diaz - Bodhisattva
5. Amos Garrett - Midnight At The Oasis
6. Michael Schenker - Rock Bottom
7. Jeff Beck - Goin' Down
8. Mick Ronson - Width Of a Circle
9. Bill Nelson - Crying To The Sky
10. Ulrich Roth - All Night Long
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Top 10 Bass Players
1. Jaco Pastorius
2. Jack Bruce
3. Paul McCartney
4. Dennis Dunaway
5. Mel Schacher
6. Chris Squire
7. Steve Harris
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Top 10 Drummers
1. Ringo Starr
2. Ian Paice
3. Ginger Baker
4. Keith Moon
5. Charlie Watts
6. Alex Van Halen
7. Neil Smith
8. Neil Peart
9. Mick Tucker
10. Jimmie Nicol
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Hon. Mention:
George Lynch - Mr. Scary,
John Pizzarelli - You've Got To Hide Your Love Away,
Ernie Isley - Whose That Lady?
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Top 10 (Worst?) Porn Star Names
1. Triple 'E' Williams - Made up without hesitation by my 11 year old brother-in-law when I asked him, "If you humped the pole at Jumbo's Clown Room, what would your name be? Michael Zaldivar is a friggin' genius.
2. F.M. Bradley - 70's black guy - 'F.M.' stands for 'Field Marshall', which proves there are no boundaries when choosing the right porn name.
3. Choco Bon Bon - Japanese smut has these little computerized bars over the genitals, so this guy got his nickname by having testicles twice as dark as his body. Makes a cute name for a puppy or kitten.
4. The Mighty Chung - A mail order catalog showed up at our house once boasting a stable of stars with oversized fake genitals. The Mighty Chung was an small Asian man, middle aged, and looking more like a business guy than a porn guy. He was wearing a huge strap-on (which you were supposed to buy into being real), had a little pot belly, and made all these incredible grimacing sex faces in the photos. This is what happens when you skip college.
5. Kaviar - Really? If you were a female porn star, wouldn't you pick a name not associated with seafood?
6. John Seaman - Swore that was his real name. Still, that's no excuse not to change it. Ye-Uk!
7. Colt Homo! - That actually could be at #1. You can pretty much tell what that guy does for a living with that one.
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Top 10 O.C. Bands
1. Honk
2. The Big F
3. Pontiac Brothers
4. No Doubt
5. The Strand
6. The Mechanics
7. Social Distortion
8. Naughty Women
9. Berlin (Ty Cobb version)
10. The Detours
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Top 10 Movies
1. La Dolce Vita
2. Gregory's Girl
3. Local Hero
4. Hard Days Night
5. Seven Samurai
6. Girl Can't Help It
7. Christmas Story
8. Rock and Roll High School
9. Quadrophenia
10. Animal House
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Top 10 Girls
1. Annette Funicello - The perfect 60's girl. Actually the perfect girl, period :-)
2. Connie Francis - Annette grown up.
3. Sridevi - India's #1 box office girl for most of the 70's. Sridevi means 'Holy Goddess", so only a Leo could give herself a name like that. Maybe the prettiest eyes on the planet.
4. Vanessa Williams - Rick Fox has to be, well, not straight. Still perfect, even with the iffy face lift.
5. Fur Dixon - She lasted in The Cramps for about 3 months (about the same time as our bass player Tim Maag lasted with them) before Ivy had her thrown out, probably due to extreme jealousy. Fur is a goddess :-)P.S... I got a lovely email from Fur herself, who Googled her name and found my site. You can check out Fur's website here!
6. Deborah Walley - Deborah was the always the best friend in all the Beach Party movies & was a latter-day Gidget. She was always cuter than any of the lead beach bunnies.
7. Piper Laurie - Originally passed off as British, she was actually a nice Jewish girl from Detroit. Though most remember her as the psycho mom in Carrie, she was quite the pin-up in the 50's.
8. Maggie Gyllenhaal - I've never seen her act (Nicholas owns the TV, which means 24 hour Disney Channel), but I saw her work for a British lingerie company and cried like a baby. In fact, I'm crying right now :-)
9. Jillian Barberie - Guilty pleasure here. I use to think she was completely annoying, until I realized when I surfed for cute girls to look at, she'd usually be my first choice.
10. Trista Rehn Sutter - Back to guilty pleasure-land. I have a soft spot for perky Christian girls, and Trista seems like the perkiest Christian chick of all :-)
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